I tapped install on the app store and the process started. A friend, Luke, told me about this new music app, called Yarn. He wouldn't tell me anything other than that I needed to try it. I searched for it online and found similar statements. Nobody really said what was so special about it, but everybody who'd tried it seemed to agree that it was a fantastic service.
With everybody being so vague about it, of course I had to try this suddenly legendary new app.
It was a nice Tuesday afternoon and I had all the time in the world. Unemployed and living in my parent's spare bedroom, like so many people my age. It was hard to get a job when your most evident skill is getting fired.
Suddenly the 'Open' button appeared and I tapped it.
"Hello, Michael," the screen said.
I paused, looking at my name on the screen. How'd it..? Okay, so, probably from my app store account or something? Doesn't really matter, but it did surprise me.
I tapped the 'start' button and after a short animation telling me how great Yarn was and how much I would love its impact on my life, it showed me a question.
"Are you ready to get the rest of your life started, Michael?"
Uhm, weird. Just... Weird. Really weird.
Mostly because there were two buttons, one saying 'Yes!' and the other saying 'If I have to.'
I tapped yes. I also decided I'd ask Luke what the hell he was up to. Was this an elaborate prank or something?
After a short loading time, music started. I didn't see any buttons other than a skip button. There was no information about the artist or the song title, just a waveform moving in line with the music.
When the lyrics started I recognized it. It was Offspring's "Get a Job". I laughed. An odd coincidence but I could appreciate it. I enjoyed the song.
Then Yarn went on to the next song, one I didn't know or recognize. It sounded like it might be country. Now, I don't like country at all, but it was the second line she sang that made me pay attention: "Get out of this house".
I immediately thought that yeah, I have spent a lot of time inside, scouring the internet for suitable positions to apply to, but then I realized that what the fuck this song is applicable to my situation too?
I obviously skipped the song.
"Have you ever wondered why, whenever thing goes wrong, nobody stops to lend a hand," it went, and I said, out loud "Yeah!"
And then the tingles along my spine really started.
I gave the song some more time, but when "Listen to me I'll sing a song to change your mind" came around, I hit skip as quickly as I could.
This was getting extremely freaky. If the next song was relevant to my situation again, this situation I'm in right now specifically, I'm out and I'm calling Luke and I'm swearing at him until he hangs up and it'll offset some of the dread I'm feeling right now.
And while the song itself was uninteresting, it seemed safe enough. I sighed in relief, hoping that that relief would stay.
Until the chorus went "You can't get away," and I threw my phone at the wall.
It didn't stop playing, so I had to go over and fumble with it until it did.
Uninstall, 1 star, post nasty comment in review, close the blinds, hide in the closet, call Luke.
"Hey man. What's up."
"Fuck you. Just... Fuck you."
"So you tried Yarn, eh?"